i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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