She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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