everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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