my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
