kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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