i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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