Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
