I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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