Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
