My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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