If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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