About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
