the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
