I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
