I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
