I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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