I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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