yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A+ Viking dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
