Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
