You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
