My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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