call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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