i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
