New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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