I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
