Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize