i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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