I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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