The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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