Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
