the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
