okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
