I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
