I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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