i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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