he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
