dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize