there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
