i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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