The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
