Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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