ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
