either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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