Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need a beard to bite.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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