she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
