i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Michael Bay diarrhea
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
