I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
