rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
