Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do vagina's smell?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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