at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
