I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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