it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it