That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery