the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?