Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.