Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way