I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
