The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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