Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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