All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I love having hate sex.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
