The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
