I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
