dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
