i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
