trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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