yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
